A better year and life!!

Happy New Year

2011-01-14T09:58:00.003-05:00

It has been a while since I have blogged. So many things have changed. I decided to have weight loss surgery last year. After talking with my doctors and family it was the right decision to make. I finally got it in my head that I could not have a baby if my body was not physically ready. So now I am in the process of getting healthy and ready. I had vertical sleeve gastrectomy on December 27th 2010.

Accpuncture

2009-08-06T22:18:00.002-04:00

I just had my first acupuncture today to help with infertility. It was nothing like I expected. I thought I was going to start crying. I felt tingles all over and I go back for another treatment next week.

IVF plan

2008-10-10T18:20:00.002-04:00

Ok I know it has been a long time. I finally got my car back after it was repaired. That was the longest month ever.

the week from hell

2008-07-05T23:13:00.001-04:00

So now I have no car and have to take my husband to airport, since he is going out town for business.

The storm from hell

2008-06-23T23:09:00.001-04:00

Well while I am at the baseball game with my dad enjoying myself. My husband is home alone and this storm from hell happens. Hail, rain, and winds over 60 mph. Then a tree got struck by lighting and landed on my car. I could not believe that had happened.

The Yankees

2008-06-22T23:07:00.001-04:00

I took my dad to see the New York Yankees. It was his father's day gift. It was so much fun. We got to see our favorite players. What a great day.

Next to last Depo shot

2008-06-07T08:45:00.002-04:00

I had 2nd to last depo provera yesterday. It feels so good to finally be almost done. I did not think I would be able to get through but I did. I feel like I have grown more and now are able to handle things a little better. I think things are moving in the right direction.

My new insurance starts next month, that finally has fertility coverage. My husband and I are one step closer to start trying for our family.

Uveitis / PTC update

2008-04-17T18:22:00.002-04:00

Well My eye doc says my uveitis is starting to calm down. Yeah!!!! I only have a few inflammation cells which is great news. The pseudotumor cerebri (ptc) is finally leveling off. I have been able to exercise more and feel great.

Haircolor

2008-03-22T13:08:00.001-04:00

OK, I was feeling down earlier. But there is nothing like going to salon and getting new hair color and cut. What a world of difference. That made a nice start to the weekend.

Waiting

2008-03-22T09:01:00.002-04:00

It truly hit me this morning, that I have to wait another year for ivf. I know my doctor wants the best out come. But it still hurts. I know things have for a reason and maybe this it. So in the mean time I can work on me and get myself more healthy and ready for ivf. The doc does have a point but sometimes I just don't want to hear and when I do it takes a while to finally realize that sometimes he is right. I just get so sick of waiting and getting my hopes up and then get hurt.

My poor husband just found out that 3 girls in his office are pregnant. He came home so depressed. I would have never thought it would effect him so much. I know it hurts him because we have been married for so long and wanted kids since we met. But this was the first time I have seen him express his feelings about infertility.

St. Patrick's Day Vent

2008-03-17T19:22:00.000-04:00

Went to see my re today. Well it was bitter sweet. He thinks I have developed a cyst. Which makes me think about the endo coming back. But maybe not. He said he could not tell. His plan for me is do the depo-provera until December. I was thinking December, What the heck. I have been waiting since surgery which was in august. He feels like the depo-provera, will control my pain long term. But it looks like I developed a cyst. Plus I have to be off the depo-provera for 6 months before ivf. Which I did not know.

I know good things come to those who wait. So there is my perfect holiday. It has always been a lucky day for me so maybe this was.

Nausea = Pregnancy

2008-03-13T19:16:00.001-04:00

Well I have been feeling like crap. My stomach is going crazy. I was out of work one day because I have been nauseous for like 3 days. So when I go back to work , everyone kept asking me if I was pregnant. I know that is a sign of pregnancy but why do people assume. I did not want to say anything other than no I am not. I left like just screaming.

Mandate for Ivf

2008-03-12T20:26:00.002-04:00

I was doing some research on ivf coverage for mandates. I found this site that has some information on state mandates for ivf. It is very helpful and explains the state policies.

http://www.asrm.org/Patients/insur.html

I recently found out that my insurance does not cover ivf as the company is private and writes their own policy. Because of that they do not need to go by the mandate.

RE appt for 2nd depo-provera shot

2008-03-11T20:12:00.002-04:00

I finally put a call into my doc because I could not take the cramps anymore. I thought maybe the endo was coming back. I do not want to thru that again or lose another tube. They did an ultrasound and said everything looked fine. So thank you god. Now I know that this spotting and cramping is just side effects.

I was going to start ivf this month but it is just not working that way. My insurance does not cover ivf which I just found out and I live in a state that has a mandate, that will cover up to 3 cycles. So I will be switching insurance this summer and then ivf. I know it will be worth the wait. I know there are no guarantees but I will at least be given a chance.

Thinking

2008-03-09T12:52:00.003-04:00

I don't know what is happening to me. The depo-provera is suppose to help me. But I feel like crap. I should not be feeling like this. I would rather be on lupron than this crap. I hope my endo is not coming back.

I keep thinking maybe I should try on my own as my re does not want me to but my neurologist does not want me to do ivf until I can get the pseudotumor cerebri (ptc) under control. I am 32 yrs old and can not wait forever. I know when I do get pregnant the pregnancy will be hard.

So one doctor says no ivf the other says yes.

32nd Birthday

2008-03-02T00:06:00.002-05:00

Well I just had my 32nd birthday and it was a pretty good day. I cant believe I am 32. I feel so much better about myself since I first turned 30. When I was in my 20's I had no idea about things or life. Tonight I went to dinner with my husband and parents. Then we went to a movie. I had such a relaxing time. It was great. I think things are looking better and I am feeling better.

Update

2008-02-26T17:15:00.003-05:00

know what is causing it. I have been pricked pocked and scanned with only knowing I am I just wanted to update, on what is happening with me. My Uveitis is clear for now. But I know I am hla-b27 and hla-b58 positive which really does not mean anything other than I might develop back problems.

The pseudotumor is another issue. I went to see a new neurologist and she basically told me that the pseudotumor would go away if I just lose weight. I have lost over 35lbs and it is still there. So I'm not sure her theory is right.

depo-provera maybe crap?

2008-02-01T17:35:00.000-05:00

Well I have been feeling great until about 3 days ago. I dont understand. Started having cramps and spotting again. What the hell. I thought the depo-provera was going to help? Who are they kidding.

Ankylosing Spondylitis?

2008-01-11T20:54:00.000-05:00

Well I went to my eye doctor yesterday and I got the results of my blood work and I have positive HLA-B27 which my uncle has. This truly makes sense why I have Uveitis. So maybe going to the doctor in Boston was not such a waste of time after all.

Symptoms today: eye pain, just over all achy.

IVF Here I come

2007-12-28T17:18:00.000-05:00

I had such a great appointment with my doctor. He did an u/s and looks like the endo is calm and ovaries looked good. My re wants us to do ivf, since the endo was so so aggressive. But he really thinks that its going to work. He said I could try on my own but since the endo was so aggressive that it could come back before we get pg. I can not wait for the endo to come back and start over and be in pain again. So Dh and I decided to go this way and the doctor gave me a depo-provera shot until our ivf cycle.

The Tula's Efled for the holidays

2007-12-16T00:19:00.000-05:00

The Tula's Elfed for the holidays. I thought this was so cute. I hope you enjoy. Click on the link to see us as elf's.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1258702271

C&S

The trip from Hell

2007-12-08T12:56:00.000-05:00

The day started off crappy because I was wearing a white shirt and while at work got a long black stain across my boob. After I got my shirt cleaned everything was going smoothly until we got into Boston. I love Boston but driving in downtown Boston I'm not so sure. My mom and I got totally lost for over an hour and half. I has called the clinic to let them to I was lost and asked for directions. One of the staff members was able to give clear directions.

specialist was going to give me the answers I needed. It turns out that it was just a big waste of time. That guy asked me "why I was here". I'm like what? This doctor is looking at me like I am nuts. He did not understand why I was there. This guy is supposed to be the top in his field so I would think he could have done something for me. His conclusion is go home have immunology Finally got there and had to wait. I know it was going to be long but 4 hours? I had no idea. When I did finally get seen by a doctor it was not what I was hoping. I thought the Uveitis bloodwork and then we will talk. I am so angry I just want to cry.

Maybe if I had a flare up things might have been different. I have not had a flare up since October and in November I was finally clear of it for the first since I ever started with this crap. I thought that I would not take my eye drops for a entire week hoping that I would get a flare up but nothing. I know he has helped other people but I am just not sure if I want to go back to him.
We finally leave the clinic after 6:30 and got lost again. I could not believe it. It was a nightmare. This time almost 2 hours lost and thought I am never getting out of this city. We asked about 5 different people and they did not even know what we were asking. As if we had two heads or something. Finally got home around 11pm.

lupron hell/Uveitis Appt.

2007-12-02T10:00:00.000-05:00

It has been a month since I had my last lupron shot. The side effects have been killer. The one that I hate the most is the night sweats. There is nothing like waking up soaked with water and warm. The hot flashes are ok but hard to deal with at work. I have a fan sitting right next to me. The add-back therapy does seem to help a bit but will be glad to be off of it.

I'm very nervous about my specialist appointment. I know it will be a long a consult but worth it to find out why I am still dealing with the uveitis. It has been 9 months of eye drops. From what I hear the specialist is top in his field and might just be the best in the world. So I know he will give me some answers I am looking for.

lupron final month

2007-11-17T12:36:00.000-05:00

Well, I have been having the worst mood swings the past couple of days. The hot flashes are really starting to annoy me. I hope this does not last much longer.

Last Lupron shot

2007-11-14T15:19:00.001-05:00

I had my last lupron shot on friday. I can not believe it. Thank goodness as I am getting sick of the hot flashes. They are coming more often now and getting very annoying.

Uveitis

2007-10-27T23:26:00.000-04:00

I am having a flare up again in both eyes of uveitis and my optic nerve is more elevated now. The steroid eye drops are starting not to work and he is thinking of starting on injections or pills. So he is sending me to a uveitis specialist in Boston. It keeps coming back that it is autoimmune related and I have been tested for many but not all. It kind of freaks me out the longer I am on these that I can develop a cataract and I am only 31.

2nd Lupron Shot

2007-10-12T15:13:00.000-04:00

I got my 2nd shot today. I do not like the shot in butt because it does sting for a while. But 2 down and 1 more to go thank goodness. So far things are ok. Today I am having some killer cold chills. My iron must be low even . I was having some serious mood swings the past few days. If this is what menopause is truly like omg I dont know if Dh could truly handle it.

Lupron week 3

2007-10-05T21:03:00.000-04:00

Well so far I have been dealing with the s/e pretty well. I woke up this morning so refreshed and ready for the day. It was so nice for a change. The weather today could not be more perfect. Dh and I took a walk tonight and it was so relaxing.

lupron/ increased head pressure

2007-10-01T16:47:00.000-04:00

Well I just got back from the eye doctor and my optic nerves are more swollen. So my intercranial pressure has spiked which means more head pressure. I go back in 2 weeks for a visual field test. I am sure it did not help that I did not take all my meds yesterday. I was feeling great but I am totally paying for it today. Well at least my uveitis is quiet now.

The lupron, so far my biggest complaint has been night sweats. I had them before but these are much worse. I can not believe it has been almost a month since my first shot. It went really fast.

Lupron day 13/14

2007-09-27T13:14:00.000-04:00

Well finally af started, and I am glad. So far I am not in bed all day with pain. I do have pain but can live with it and do things I normally don't do when af is here. I'm still cold but I am the hot flashes are coming.

This evening was I watching some tv and had my first real hot flash. I was even almost crying watching the news. Talk about an emotional wreck.

Lupron day 11

2007-09-24T12:54:00.000-04:00

I had the best weekend. Dh was out of town, which he so needed as he has been stressed. I was able to get things accomplished and enjoyed the alone. Once in a while is great. The weather could have not been more perfect. Its hard to believe it is fall already.

The lupron, so far is not bad. I am still having cold chills but still better than having hot flashes. Now I am just waiting for af to start. I know it is going to be different but not sure how bad pain wise it will be. But so far no spotting, no cramps, no overall pelvic pain, this is the best.

lupron 6 into 7

2007-09-20T00:27:00.000-04:00

12:30 and I am finally warm and I hope my temp holy cow, 99 what? I hope it stays like this so I can sleep tonight.

lupron day 6

2007-09-19T23:48:00.000-04:00

I am still cold. If this is the s/e of lupron I guess that is better than hot flashes. Just feeling emotional not really mood swings per say.

Lupron day4-5

2007-09-18T13:19:00.001-04:00

Still having cold chills. I slept better last night but again hot and cold. ok, feeling like I have bad pms last night. So far it is calm right now.

lupron day 3

2007-09-16T22:06:00.000-04:00

Today was better. I feel fine, no major issues, other than being hot and cold at night. I slept so much better last night. But tonight I am so cold, I am sure it is from the meds and the anemia is not helping either.

lupron day 2

2007-09-15T11:06:00.000-04:00

Last night I sleep ok. But I was hot and then cold the entire night. plus stomach messed up. I'm sure it is from all the meds I am on.

First Lupron Shot

2007-09-14T12:24:00.000-04:00

I went for my first lupron shot today. I am hoping the s/e will not be to bad. So far so good. They also took one of stitches out. They were dissolving but just did not want to go away. These things only happen to me. They are leaving the one in my bellybutton and said it should go away over time.

I finally decided to take it as the endo was so bad. I figure that I have had endo maybe since high school but no one ever said endo to me. For my doctor to tell me that I was one of his top ten worst cases makes think. I want to have a family so badly but if my body has been out of whack for so long and now finally getting better. I need that time to heal and prepare it for a baby.

I know I have over thought and stressed out about it. The more I read online the more I was getting scared from the horror stories. But I want to give me every possible chance to get better and for me that is what I need to do.

what is happening to my cycles??

2007-09-10T20:27:00.000-04:00

I thought I o'ed about 10 days ago and today I have all the signs of ovulation. Am I just dreaming this because I want it so bad or is this real? I hope and pray to god that it is real.

Feeling better........?

2007-09-06T14:10:00.000-04:00

I am feeling much better today. I think I must have had some bad pms when seeing my doctor. Its not normally like me to freak out like and over analyze things, ok well maybe over analyze yes but never freak out.

I finally went out of the house today to get my hair cut, there is nothing like a great haircut to make you feel so good about yourself. Now I think I will be able to make an informed decision about the lupron. I am not going to think about it at all this weekend. My cousin is getting married and it should be good time.

Post Op/Vent

2007-09-04T14:38:00.000-04:00

I just got back from my post op appt. My surgery report was 3 pages long. My doctor told me I have the most severe endo he has ever seen. I am sure it was bad because I took estrogen for 4 months since I have high fsh. My previous doctor never thought I had endo even when I asked about me having endo.

I did not get all of the report as my re was stressing the lupron shot. I do have to see him again next week so I get more information about it. The back of my uterus was attached to my bowel and rectum. My left tube was removed because it was fused to my ovary with adhesion's. The tube looked like a squished up hot dog ( I know it sounds gross). I also had adhesion's behind my cervix. He said he removed a lot. He thinks I only have about 6 months before it will start to grow back.

So he wants me to go on lupron. I brought my shot with me. I told I was concerned about headaches and now I have to wait approval from my neuro if I can take it. But since I have not had my period he wants me to take provera to bring it on and then do the lupron.

My re's office kept questioning me on if I was pregnant, and I kept saying "no I wish I was" If I was I would not want the lupron. They even wanted me to get a beta because I'm on cycle day 38. I told them I have not had sex since the day before my surgery.

So my re would not even talk about me getting pregnant. He stressed and I mean really stressed about relieving my pain and calming down the endo. Then he was like we will talk later about other things.

I really don't want to take the shot since I want to get pregnant but I know it will help the endo calm down.

The PTC (IH) Creed

2007-09-01T13:53:00.000-04:00

The PTC (IH) Creed**

I promise to accept the fact that I have PTC, a neurological disorder which will limit my abilities in my every day life.

While I will always have PTC, some days will be good, and some days will be bad. I will be thankful for the good days and try to make the most of them. When I am having a bad day, I will try to remember that most likely it will not last.

When I am having a bad day, I will listen to my body, and get the rest that I need. I will let my family know that I am not feeling well, because they cannot read my mind.

I will not feel guilty about resting, because I will eventually begin to feel better, and in the long run, it will also benefit my family. They will not become malnourished if they eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for dinner.

I will not feel guilty or worry about the work that is not getting done while I am resting. The world will not fall apart without me, even though it looks like it already has.

I will not let anyone else make me feel guilty for taking time out for myself. They will never understand exactly what I am experiencing, the pain I feel, the exhaustion that I feel. They will never understand the fear that I feel when my symptoms creep up on me, and land me flat on my back.

I promise not to feel sorry for myself when I am feeling bad, because there are a lot of people out there who are in worse shape than I am. I will not be sorry for what I don't have, but be thankful for what I do have.

I promise to learn a lesson from my illness, which is not to take life for granted. I will try to enjoy every moment that was given to me, and be thankful for the times I can smile and laugh.

I will try to help others who also suffer from my condition. There are many confused and frightened people who need to hear comforting words from someone who has been there. There are many people who need me to take his or her hand, and be pointed in the right
direction.

Lastly, I will not ask "Why me?" While PTC has weakened my physical body, it has strengthened my heart, my soul, and my spirit.

-Sheila Reilly

**PTC means Pseudotumor Cerebri and is the former name for Intracranial Hypertension.

Possible Ovulation?

2007-08-31T20:40:00.000-04:00

Last night I start to have cramps on my right side. I have never felt anything on my right side. The cramping only lasted an hour or so. I think I might have Ovulated. I asked Dh if he wanted to bd he was like no way not until the doctor gives the ok. For once I want it and he does not, this I will always remember.

So lupron or no lupron? This is the hardest decision I have had to make. I know it will only be for 3 months. I am not concerned so much about the s/e. The lupron just might do the trick. But at the same time if I just ovulated than what are my chances of that again after lupron? Especially since now I only have the one tube on my right side.

I need to stop thinking about it and wait to talk with the doctor on Tuesday so I can make an informed decision and not an emotional one.

Reflecting

2007-08-30T19:08:00.000-04:00

I have been doing a lot of thinking. I know I should not hold grudge and letting it go is the best thing to do. So typing and putting on the computer is truly letting it go. I can not believe that my gyn never said anything about endo. I even asked about endo and she said there is no way it could be. She was concerned about my high fsh and put me on hrt. She never heard me when I was complaining about pelvic pain and spotting and just feeling awful. So the hrt just made the endo grow more and possibly the reason why I lost my left tube. I could have had this surgery last year. I know I should let it go but it is hard. I know she tried to help me. Yeah I have always heard that a gyn is only good for annual exam and delivering babies. I know now I need to find a good gyn even if that means I need to drive out of town.

Healing

2007-08-25T15:38:00.000-04:00

I am starting to feel better. My stomach is very sore. But I don't know if I will be able to do nothing for 3 more weeks. I feel so emotional today. I was crying just laying down , not from pain but the decisions I need to make. I keep thinking whether I should take the lupron or not. Damn if I do and damn if I don't. I already have pre-menopause symptoms and that just might push me over the edge. But at the same time it is only for 3 months. I'm sure the time will go by so fast.

Lap/Hysteroscopy/D&C

2007-08-23T10:23:00.000-04:00

The Surgery went well. I kept saying to my mom that I would be coming home that day. She kept telling me I was not and I should be prepared for that. I should have believed her especially since she is in the medical field.

My surgery was at 1pm and it do not start until 1:30. The surgery was only going to be 2 hours and it ended up 3 and half hours. They removed my left tube as it was fused to my ovary with adhesion's. I also have 2 endometriomas a very large and medium one on my right ovary. I also had adhesion's between my cervix and rectum and on my bowels.

The doctor came to talk with my family around 5-5:30 and when I was in recover I asked what time it was they said it was 6:10. That is when my doctor had me admitted and I was just waiting for a bed. By the time I got to my room it was 8pm. I had been at the hospital since 11am. When my parents dropped off my husband it was 9:30 and when they got home it was almost 11:30. I know everyone had a long day.

I could not sleep in the hospital. The iv in both hands hurt because I have tinny vanes. Plus having to call the nurse every time I need to go to the bathroom. I know they are there to help and they were great but I just wanted to sleep.

I knew I had pain but some pain I had I did not know it was connected to endo. Plus my doctor still does not know why I was spotting so much.

My re wants me to do 3 months of lupron and then try naturally after that since I have bad endo. From what I have been reading that lupron calms down the endo and can truly help. But I am very nervous about it. He wants to give me my first shot in 2 weeks at my post op appointment.

What it means to have PTC- A letter for others to understand

2007-08-16T14:13:00.000-04:00

This was written by, member 8klc http://www.findmemyhouse.com/ptc/ptc_forum/viewtopic.php?t=1072

I thought this was so perfect. I myself never know how to explain to people. Most of the time I just avoid explaining because it is easier. When I saw this, well it should copied and carried in my purse all the time. Kudos ......

Having Pseudotumor Cerebri means many things change, and a lot of them are invisible. Unlike having cancer or being hurt in an accident, most people do not understand even a little about Pseudotumor Cerebri and its effects, and of those that think they know, many are actually misinformed.

In the spirit of informing those who wish to understand. These are the things that I would like you to understand about me before you judge me...

Please understand that being sick doesn't mean I'm not still a human being. I have to spend most of my day in considerable pain and exhaustion, and if you visit, sometimes I probably don't seem like much fun to be with, but I'm still me-- stuck inside this body. I still worry about my family & friends

Please understand the difference between "happy" and "healthy". When you've got the flu, you probably feel miserable with it, but I've been sick for years. I can't be miserable all the time. In fact, I work hard at not being miserable. So, if you're talking to me and I sound happy, it means I'm happy. That's all. It doesn't mean that I'm not in a lot of pain, or extremely tired, or that I'm getting better, or any of those things. Please don't say, "Oh, you're sounding better!" or "But you look so healthy!¨ I am merely coping. I am sounding happy and trying to look normal. If you want to comment on that, you're welcome.

With a lot of diseases you're either paralyzed, or you can move. With Pseudotumor Cerebri , it gets more confusing everyday. It can be like a yo-yo. I never know from day to day, how I am going to feel when I wake up. In most cases, I never know from minute to minute. That is one of the hardest and most frustrating components of Pseudotumor Cerebri .

Please repeat the above paragraph substituting, "sitting", "walking", "thinking", concentrating, "being sociable" and so on ... it applies to everything. That's what Pseudotumor Cerebri does to you.

„ Please understand that Pseudotumor Cerebri is variable. It's quite possible (for many, it's common) that one day I am able to walk to the park and back, while the next day I'll have trouble getting to the next room. Please don't attack me when I'm ill by saying, "But you did it before!" or Oh, come on, I know you can do this!¡¨ If you want me to do something, then ask if I can.
In a similar vein, I may need to cancel a previous commitment at the last minute. If this happens, please do not take it personally. If you are able, please try to always remember how very lucky you are--to be physically able to do all of the things that you can do.

Please understand that "getting out and doing things" does not make me feel better, and can often make me seriously worse. You don't know what I go through or how I suffer in my own private time.

If I seem touchy, it's probably because I am. It's not how I try to be. As a matter of fact, I try very hard to be normal. I hope you will try to understand. I have been, and am still, going through a lot. Pseudotumor Cerebri is hard for you to understand unless you have had it. It wreaks havoc on the body and the mind. It is exhausting and exasperating.

Almost all the time, I know that I am doing my best to cope with this, and live my life to the best of my ability. I ask you to bear with me, and accept me as I am. I know that you cannot literally understand my situation unless you have been in my shoes, but as much as is possible, I am asking you to try to be understanding in general.

Pow Wow/ Ethnic Fair

2007-08-12T19:20:00.000-04:00

My family and I went to a Native American Pow Wow today. It was so much fun. I have never gone before. The drums and native clothing were so beautiful. I would go again when they came back.

We also went to a annual Ethnic fair. There was music, dancing, and food from so many different countries. They had the main st blocked off for it. The weather was so perfect.

Pre-Op

2007-08-10T13:52:00.000-04:00

I had my pre-op appointment. It went as good as expected. My dr is concerned about my pseudotumor and anesthesia. My Neuro does not think it will be a problem.

My dr said that my left tube is trashed and has to be removed. It makes me so sad. There are to many adhesion's on it. I looked at the hsg and u/s pics in his office today and it looks like a big ball. No wonder I have cramps on the left side all the time. Thank goodness my right tube is open.

He is not giving any hope of getting pg since my fsh is high. He did say that he will test my fsh again after surgery to see where I am. He also said that my ovaries don't look bad or that the high fsh has been there for a long time. I truly feel that the fsh spike is from the endometrioma on cyst since it could have been there since Nov. of last year.

I just want to feel normal again no cramps no spotting. I think the surgery will clean everything out. I know pregnancy can't happen with all the things I have going anyway regardless of the high fsh; adhesion's, polyps, fibroids, endometrioma and a f&**&ed up tube.

The day can only get better right?.......................

So many ramdon thoughts

2007-08-08T20:31:00.000-04:00

Things have been so crazy these past few weeks. We finally moved and I love the new place. It is so nice to be to walk downtown and go to the store and movies and restaurants. I think I need a vacation. I know I will get some rest after my lap. I do not feel nervous about the surgery. But I am worried about the results and if I will be able to get pregnant. My husband is confident that this will be just what we need.

I have my pre-op appointment on Friday to go over what will happen during surgery. I have so many questions for my doctor. I hope he has my results of my hsg test. I know is that my left tube might have to come out. I am hoping it can be saved.

Maybe I am getting tougher about things since I was so scared about my spinal tap to the point that my husband was convinced that they were going to mess up my spinal cord. That test turned out fine. I had a great doctor for it and recovery was great.

I know I ramble on but I have so many things running through my head sometimes its hard to stop.

personality test

2007-08-06T15:01:00.001-04:00

HSG

2007-07-20T11:45:00.000-04:00

OK this test was so awful. To start things my husband could not come as he was working so my mom took me since I could not drive home. I had the re from hell do my test. This re was the one that gave me the donor egg speech in November. I could not believe it. I was in a nightmare.

Then to make things worse my uterus is tilted and cervix was really high so they had to use a extra long speculum and use lidocaine because of it. I have never experienced pain like that in my life. The pain from my spinal was much less than the hsg.

My left tube was blocked, but had a feeling it was since it looked like it wrapped around my ovary on the u/s. But my right tube is open, so that is the positive thing. So now I know that when I have the lap they will remove my left tube and I will not have pain on that side.

Period From Hell

2007-07-16T19:31:00.000-04:00

OK, I know this is not something no one wants to hear or discuss. I was wanting my period to come since I knew I was not pg. Then took provera to make it come and now it just wont leave. What is the irony in that?

Letter from RE

2007-07-11T11:59:00.000-04:00

I got my mail today and there was a letter from re. He sent me a copy of the letter he sent to my pcp and gyn. It was very nice but it was a very depressing letter. It made it sound like I am never going to get pregnant. But when reading about all the surgery he will do gives some hope that it will help or least at this point male me feel better.

The doctor has never seen anything like this before, which makes me nervous but confident that he can figure out what is going on with me.

Dh needs something to do!

2007-07-01T23:41:00.000-04:00

My husband has been on vacation since Thursday and it is really driving me crazy. He is so moody when he has nothing to do. Never planned on vacation and then forced to take it or loose it. I wish he had told me before. Why do men never really say what they are thinking? Or it comes out so wrong and you just want to ring their neck!

R.E. App

2007-06-30T11:38:00.000-04:00

I went to the new re yesterday. I learned more from in 20 mins than the entire time I was seeing my gyn. I just cant believe it. I am finally going to get the care I need. They scheduled my lap and I will schedule HSG. If my tube does have to be removed than lets hope the other one works.

Doc visit

2007-06-21T17:12:00.000-04:00

I went to the doctor today. Sometimes I hate going to the doc. Well he was giving it to me today. I know I need to lose weight and I have been watching what I eat. I know I need to change my lifestyle which I have been working on. I am finally starting to feel like myself after a year of this crap with ptc.

I think making life changes will be good for me and my family. I know my dh is helping finally. He is really changing his tune about things. I really like to see that.

Not moving yet

2007-06-20T12:18:00.000-04:00

Things are finally calming down. We don't have to move for another month. But still having to move is driving me crazy. I will start packing up next month. My re appointment is next week. I hope and pray to god that he can help me.

confused and upset

2007-06-14T19:53:00.000-04:00

I am so lost with my cycle. I'm on cd46 and no period. I tested and I am not pregnant and I'm glad I am not. M husband has been on my ass about working more. I have had some serious illness this year and now I am finally getting better. I am starting to feel like myself and then my husband makes me feel like crap.

cd39

2007-06-07T18:22:00.001-04:00

I know by just saying did not get my cycle yet does not mean I am pg. I like that thought but I know the possibility of pcos is high which would make my cycle long. But last cycle was the first cycle that was almost normal and regular. This one is a little crazy. I am on cd39. that is just not normal. But what is normal? and what is regular? I'm sure I will get it the next few days.

Neuro App.

2007-06-07T17:25:00.000-04:00

I went to see my neuro and I finally got a good report from him. My EEG was normal, thank god. Maybe my ptc is getting under control. Even though I have been stressed with my housing situation I have been feeling pretty good, almost like myself again. Now just waiting for my re app at the end of the month to find out if I have pcos., which there is a very good possibility.

Stress

2007-06-04T15:55:00.000-04:00

Well things have been going well. I have been feeling good. But the housing issue is driving me crazy. Should we move back or rent or buy. Plus we need to make a decision in the next 2 weeks. I really don't know what to do. Just when we decide we talk about something else. I really hope things go good and we find what we are looking for.

Hot Flash

2007-06-01T23:11:00.000-04:00

well my temp was high this morning. I could not believe it. I have no idea why but maybe it is a good thing. But I have been so hot lately. I have been feeling much better. I actually worked today. It was great. I love my job and today was such a productive day. I had been feeling stressed. So much my neuro made me have a EEG.

PCOS????

2007-05-21T13:05:00.001-04:00

I went to see my gyn today. She went over my u/s and my left ovary looks polycystic. But she still can not explain why my fsh was so high back in oct. I know I have other things going on like the pseudotumor which could be messing my hormones up.

Hormones What???

2007-05-20T16:57:00.000-04:00

I have had pms really bad this cycle. Maybe it is my hormones out of whack or the cyst. But I can cry so easy and then be pissed. I dont know if I can wait until jun 29th for my re appointment. I hope that with the laparscopy it will fix things. I am so sick of so many things happening at the same time.

Happy Anniversary

2007-05-20T16:47:00.000-04:00

Well today is my 7th wedding anniversary and I can not believe is has been that long. It does not feel like that long. My husband did come through. It looked like he was going to forget. But today has been a great day. He gave me this card that made me cry. Well I could cry at the drop of a hat because I have pms. I was so surprised.

Cyst wont go away

2007-05-16T23:41:00.000-04:00

Ok, I had my 2nd u/s yesterday and it went well. But the cyst are not getting any better. My right ovary still has a golf ball sized cyst filled with blood and the left ovary has cyst and possible endometrial tissue on it. So my gyn wants me to see another re to have laparoscopy as it could pcos and/or endo. The last re I went to said my only option was donor egg because of the high fsh. Which was a complete joke. I have my fingers crossed for a better one this time. Maybe this is why I am not getting pregnant and not ovulating. I think this is going to put me one step closer to bfp. I am sick of having cramps and spotting. I was looking back at my charts and I think these started back in August.

Mothers Day

2007-05-11T23:13:00.000-04:00

Well This weekend is Mothers Day. This day is so hard for people who don't have children. You hear people talking about what their children are doing for them, making breakfast in bed and brunch. It just makes me want children even more. I know my journey is just beginning as I have yet to start fertility treatment but I have faith that one day mothers day will mean so much more than it does right now.

Freaking eye drops

2007-05-07T23:49:00.000-04:00

Went to the eye doctor today hoping for good news. I just cant seem to get rid of this eye inflammation. This has been going on since March. I am so sick of eye drops. I know I have to do it but come on. I ask my doc will this crap every go away? Then he says well I have another patient who has been dealing with this for about 2 years. I am thinking, 2yrs? you have got to be kidding me. The thought of putting eye drops in 3 times a day for 2 yrs, just plan sucks.

TGIF

2007-05-04T12:41:00.000-04:00

I'm really glad its friday. this week was long at first since I was in bed for 2 days and now friday finally. I think this weekend will be great and things will get better.

What the???

2007-05-03T13:02:00.000-04:00

Well someone I know called to tell me that she and her husband had a baby. I'm happy for them. But it makes me sad. They did not want kids in the first place. They have a lot of issues about kids. Then there is my husband and myself who want children very badly and are having infertility problems. People just don't understand. She knows that we have been having a hard time. This is the first time in my life that it hurts. She sent me some photos I just cant look at them now. I know this sounds mean and hateful. But its painful.

Lumbar Puncture

2007-05-02T15:57:00.000-04:00

I had my lumbar puncture. It went better than I thought. I did not feel a thing. I did not take my meds that morning or the day before. My opening pressure was high. I want to know what it was without my meds. I went against my docs but I just wanted to know the true reading. I have a black and blue mark on back but it is the small price to pay for the test. Maybe now knowing everything what I need to do, I think I can get pregnant. My neuro wants me to see a neuroendocrinologist before I start ivf, which makes sense. but still not sure.

Finally Good News

2007-04-13T16:53:00.000-04:00

Well, I went to my doc to check my ovarian cyst. So far so good. She thinka that they clear up soon so I can start ivf. That makes me so happy.

Scared

2007-04-09T16:05:00.000-04:00

I went to the eye doctor today and I still have inflammation in my right eye. Now I need a lumbar puncture. This makes me so nervous. There are only a few I am scared of, roller coasters, snakes, and sometimes high places. I know it needs to be done to dx things. I know my family will be with me and my husband, thank god.

Ovarian Cyst

2007-04-06T13:43:00.000-04:00

Well, my cycle started and my temp is still high. I feel fine other than bad cramps. The cyst must be causing my temp to stay high. Thank goodness I am going to the doctor next week and maybe she can figure things out for me.

First blog

2007-04-04T13:01:00.000-04:00

Well, this is my first post. I can not believe I am writing a blog. It is something I thought I would never do. But here I am. I was going to go home today but the weather has prevented that. So I will stay one more day. I went to see the allergist on Monday for test. I am hoping I get some good results. I hope this is the year my husband and I have a baby. We have been trying for 3 years now. I have had so many medical issues that have prevented this from happening. The last few cycles I believe I have had cyst. I am hoping the progesterone I have taken helps get rid of them. This could be my month.